intw part 2

It’s like I said a few nights ago. I feel it. I feel every emotion. The pain, the loss, it is ripping my heart out. I need my vice; writing. I am sitting outside a strip mall, at work, where does not matter. I just put down the book. The first time it became too much, I took a break, drove a circle around the strip, and came back to it. This time that isn’t enough! Nothing to write on but a map of my route for work today, but it is enough. I already feel a little better. I know that I will have to pick the book up again soon, and my pain will start all over, but I have to do it. I need a minute…

            Hannah, Clay, Brent, Bree, Jacob.

            I’m ready. Let’s see how much I can take this time.

            Pretty good, somehow, it is a little easier. Maybe it is because the story is winding down, and all the secrets are coming out. Maybe I am just going numb; my mind’s way of protecting itself. Maybe I am going nuts. Maybe I will be the one leaving a suicide note next, (just kidding, really.) Music just stopped. I restart the playlist. I pick the book up. Wait, I drive another lap, sip my coffee, and now I pick the book up.

            Damn it. I am running out of room on my piece of paper.

            What else could be left? What is next? Can’t stop!

            So now I have moved on to writing on a flyer; kind of pathetic, right? I remember not wanting the story to end. Now, it cannot end quickly enough. It feels like there is a knife in my chest, and every sentence I read twists the blade. Where are you right now? What were you doing while I sit here, suffering, and yet reveling in the pureness of the ache! August 27^th, 2010, 9:18 a.m. What were you doing? I sip my coffee, and start again.

            The knife is no longer twisting; it is being pulled out, and jabbed in again, and again; over, and over. No more, can’t do it. My hands are shaking; half coffee, half anxiety. Phone rings. The name that comes up, it is an amazing sight. My voice breaks when I answer. This person has the most perfect timing ever! You know who you are. 

            So that’s what is next…

            Time to stop for now; back to work or anything to get my mind off of this. Time to go.

            No where to go; can’t stop. Just babble on about anything! Keep your mind busy! Harder to do than it sounds. Coffee buzz is making me shake; or is it something else? God! I swear I’m losing my mind! I dump out my coffee. I grip the steering wheel so hard; my knuckles turn white. The song changes. Wait! Someone is coming! Thank god, they are here!
....